Thought The Sopranos was just about the mafia? Che peccato! Underneath David Chases’ seminal masterpiece lies a profound exploration of the human condition. OK, the guns, the grit, the girls, the gratuitous violence and gabagool was certainly appealing, it isn’t the reason I return to the series time, and time again. The draw for me is the characters endless pursuit for meaning in a world filled with moral ambiguity. We don’t watch just to see who can run the family, we watch because we want to see how Tony and co try to overcome their personal battles in a life that pushing against them to the extreme. We may not all walk around with the fear of being whacked, but we all do try to negotiate our surroundings and come out a little less bruised. At its core, The Sopranos isn’t as much about the underworld but how a complex web of relationships shapes their experience, and there’s a lot to learn from that. Some people find life lessons in religion, others from Instagram “gurus”, I take mine from a New Jersey crime family.
Here’s the first article as I take you episode-by-episode on the lessons I’ve learned From The Bing to The Block.
Season 1. Episode 1. Pilot: Embrace Your Ducks, Confront Your Demons
“Let me tell ya something. Nowadays, everybody's gotta go to shrinks, and counselors, and go on Sally Jessy Raphael and talk about their problems.”
Confront Your Demons
We first meet Tony Soprano in Dr. Melfi’s office, where he reluctantly seeks help for his panic attacks. With the scans and blood work from the hospital offering no answers, our New Jersey captain is out of ideas—what’s he going to do, confide in Paulie Walnuts? So, going to a shrink becomes an act of desperation rather than a belief that therapy could help. Let’s not get it twisted: Tony sees himself as a man’s man, moulded by the streets, where “therapy” is found in bed with his goomah, drowning bottles of Johnny Walker, or taking it out on some poverett. For a man of his stature, needing help for his mind is a weakness, and if there’s one thing Tony Soprano can’t afford to be seen as, it’s soft. Yet here he is, on that leather couch, grappling with the reality that even a capo can’t muscle through a mental breakdown. His hesitance underscores a crucial lesson: addressing mental health issues is vital, no matter how strong you think you are. Taking a seat in Dr. Melfi’s office takes courage, even if Tony is more inclined to downplay his need for help and reinforce the stigma around it.
“Whatever happened to Gary Cooper? The strong silent type?”
Tony’s quip about Gary Cooper reflects his inner struggle. The iconic American actor Gary Cooper represents a cultural archetype—a symbol of toughness, self-reliance, and emotional restraint. An embodiment of a bygone era of stoic masculinity where men didn't openly discuss their emotions or seek help for their problems. But Tony is talking about the characters that Cooper played, a screened portrayal of how to be a man, a fiction. But he’s not reminiscing about Cooper here, he’s questioning why he can’t embody that same toughness. Why does he have to deal with panic attacks and seek therapy when he should be embodying the unflappable persona he idolised as a kid, that he saw in his father? How often do we look on screen, or at our peers, and perceive them for having their sh*t together? How often do we want to be like someone else? And how often do we beat ourselves up when we fail to replicate a fabricated brand of humanity?
Tony’s struggle to confront his inner demons highlights the societal pressure on men to remain emotionally resilient, revealing a poignant internal conflict.
Throughout the episode, Tony’s therapy sessions with Dr. Melfi peel back layers of his character like an onion, exposing past traumas and insecurities. Watching Tony wrestle with these uncomfortable truths offers a valuable lesson: if Tony can confront his demons at the risk of his family thinking him oobatz, maybe we can face our issues too, even when it’s painful. It’s not just about managing the symptoms with Prozac, it’s about understanding its roots and dealing with them head-on.
Embrace Your Ducks
In perhaps the lightest moment of the The Sopranos, Tony finds comfort in the strangest of places, ducks! When his backyard pool becomes a temporary home for a family of ducks. Tony’s unusual attachment reveals a softer, more vulnerable side of him. He finds genuine joy in their presence, and feels real sadness when they fly away. This moment forces Tony to confront his deeper fears and vulnerabilities.
“Him, with those ducks”
But this isn’t just about ducks; creator David Chase uses them as a symbol of life’s impermanence. The transient presence of the ducks echoes something we all face: a love and fear of losing what’s dear to him, whats dear to us. This scene highlights the natural human tendency to form attachments and the inevitable pain of grief. It teaches us that while bonds enrich our lives, they also come with the risk of loss. Embracing this duality helps us appreciate the present and build stronger connections without being paralysed by the fear of what might be lost. Embrace what you have whilst you have it, because you never know when your ducks are going to fly away.
Additionally, there’s a lesson in finding joy in simplicity. Despite the stress from his mother, wife, kids, girlfriend, Uncle Junior, and drug-addict nephew Chrissy, Tony still finds peace in the simple pleasure of ducks in his pool. If the capo of the New Jersey DiMeo Crime Family can find beauty amidst the chaos, perhaps we all can.
The pilot episode of The Sopranos teaches us about the nature of attachment and loss, the power of embracing vulnerability, and to find joy in simple moments.
Episode Song Recommendation:
As with everything in The Sopranos, nothing is by accident. The soundtrack is as vital as the script. Each article I’ll be suggesting a song that best represents the life lessons in the week’s article.
For this episode, check out Nick Lowe’s “The Beast in Me”—a song about an inner beast that’s been a constant companion throughout life. This beast may represent the darkness within Tony and, maybe, within all of us—an inherent part of human nature we battle through years of pain and redemption. (As the image suggests, I prefer Johnny Cash’s version.)
Sopranos slang used: Che peccato: what a shame / Gabagool: another name forcapicola, an Italian cured meat / Goomah: mistress / Poverett: poor guy / Oobatz: crazy
Until next week, Scotty.
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